Some Magic
by RunawayTelephones
Summary: The Doctor, Amy, Rory, and River are adventuring again. This time, the Doctor decides to start by taking them to a recreation of the Wizard of Oz. I have not updated this in a while, but I will be turning it into much more of a crack/fluff fic. ON HIATUS.
1. Chapter 1

There he stood, holding up a fez.

"You have _no idea_ how much I wish you didn't take my gun from me when we got on the TARDIS," River Song grumbled. Amy laughed, obviously agreeing with the other woman's sentiment. The Doctor hugged his fez protectively.

"You wouldn't," he said, stroking his fez before placing it on top of his messy brown hair.

"I have," River retorted. The Doctor stuck his tongue out in a rather immature fashion. River responded only by winking in such a way that made the Doctor pull his tongue back into his mouth and blush, turning to fiddle with the console.

"Uh, where are we going again?" Rory asked. The Doctor whirled around and went to a screen on top of the console.

"Greenland! No, no, though it _is_ green… a recreation of the Emerald City on Earth, 27th century. Creative bloke, whoever thought of it. Much smarter than the idiot who named Greenland. Did he honestly think people would fall for that trick? Well, having talked to him, he was rather dense… wait, was that him or the president from the 23rd century?" the Doctor babbled on. At this point, the TARDIS had already landed and Amy headed for the door, grabbing Rory's hand and dragging him with her.

"Come on, sweetie," River said. She didn't grab the Doctor's hand, but she did give him a look that sufficed in pulling him out of his time machine. Outside, it was most definitely green.

"Wow," Amy said, pointing at tall libraries and palaces, all in shades of green. Multi-colored horses pulled green carriages and people all moved around the city, looking just like a scene out of the Wizard of Oz. The four of them started moving forward, walking the streets.

"Look there! That must be where the Wizard supposedly is!" Amy pointed now to a tall palace in front of an open square where many people congregated. The Doctor, Amy, and River all started to make their way to the palace when they noticed that Rory wasn't following them. He was frozen still, staring at a munchkin.

"M-munchkin," he stuttered.

"Yes! Aren't they fascinating? Humans, they created a race of monkeys that look like little human munchkins, but stupider!" the Doctor explained with a grin. But Rory didn't move.

"What's wrong with him?" River asked.

"Oh, I forgot!" Amy shouted, hitting herself in the head. She dropped her voice down to a whisper when she spoke again. "Rory's always had a fear of munchkins. He can barely make it through the Wizard of Oz movie without crying. He has nightmares." River stifled a laugh and the Doctor snorted right out loud.

"Come along, Rory Pond! If you stare at them for too long, they start following you!" the Doctor exclaimed gleefully. Rory turned around in terror and ran into the nearest building- a library.

"That was mean," Amy said, though she smiled as the three followed Rory into the library. Inside, they found it was huge and filled to the ceiling with books. Amy and River went off to find Rory, who was standing in the corner hiding from munchkins. They brought him back out to the front, where they found the Doctor reading to a small group of children. He was reading a fairytale picture book, one about the Wizard of Oz.

"And the Wicked Witch was melted by the brave lion, the smart scarecrow, and the caring tin man. When they returned to the Wizard-" the Doctor turned the page to a picture of Dorothy, the Lion, the Tin man, and the Scarecrow standing in front of a throne with a man on it- the Wizard.

"He told them how well they'd done, and congratulated them for saving the day." The Doctor continued.

"Hang on," Rory whispered. "Isn't that-" he started to ask, but River finished his sentence for him.

"The Doctor?" she said. The three looked closer and saw that indeed, on top of the throne was a man in a blue suit with brown hair and glasses.

"That's him before he looked like he does now!" Amy hissed. River nodded, rolling her eyes.

"He is _always_ the hero of the story. I hate him sometimes," River said, sounding exasperated.

"No you don't," the Doctor said, coming up behind them, having finished the story while they were talking about him.

"Of course not, sweetie. Now, are we going to the palace or not?" River placated him.

"Oh, yes! They have a statue of me there!" the Doctor said with delight, bouncing up and down. "Let's go!"


	2. Chapter 2

The four time travelers made their way to the palace, picking the path with the least amount of munchkins. River offered to go back to the TARDIS and get her gun so she could threaten the "little demons" as Rory called them, but he declined with an awkward "thanks". All this time, River and Amy had kept their eye on the Doctor's fez, waiting for an opportunity to strike. Amy crept up, getting closer, as they approached the doors to the palace. The Doctor jumped around in a 180 degree spin just as Amy was reaching out for the fez.

"Aha!" He yelled, pointing his sonic at the offender. "Either you were trying to fix my hair, which is less likely, or you were trying to commandeer my fez! Either way, I am not comfortable!" River took the opportunity to grab the fez and throw it to a purple horse that promptly started eating it.

"My fez!" the Doctor half-cried. Amy and River high-fived, leaving Rory without a side to take. River then walked right up to the Doctor and messed up his hair.

"My hair!" he said, this time more indignant. His hair was now even more messy than usual.

"I did both things you thought Amy was doing. Actually, I got the idea of fixing your hair from your comment, so you can blame yourself," River Song explained.

"How was that fixing it? Now it's even messier!" the Doctor accused.

"Which is quite hot, don't you think?" River turned to Amy for the last part of her comment. Amy shrugged and nodded.

"Thanks," Rory said, defeated. Amy pet him on the head.

"Aww, don't worry, you're still adorable," she said reassuringly. Rory pouted.

"But I don't _want_ to be adorable. I want to be hot," he complained. River snorted and Amy laughed.

"Put it this way mate, at least she's not messing up your hair or destroying your hats," the Doctor said, trying to make him happier. "Come along now."

The foursome walked inside the palace doors, greeted with many more wondrous sights, most of them green. There were fountains with green water, mosaics featuring green tiles, and small statues of important people from history. But the largest statue sat right at the front of the room. Sitting on an emerald throne was the tenth incarnation of the Doctor, smiling down at them.

"Hah, look," the Doctor laughed, pointing at the statue.

"Yeah, yeah, we know it's you," Rory said.

"Look at my body! I almost wish I still had that body," the Doctor mused. Amy and River were both looking at that body. Rory started to feel uncomfortable with how long Amy was looking.

"How about if they were both around at the same time? I don't want you to give up the one you're in now," River suggested, going to mess up the Doctor's hair again before he sidestepped her.

"Okay, so, have you _always_ been good-looking?" Rory asked in what could be considered a whine, except it was a little manlier. A little. The other three laughed.

"No, believe me. That's a recent thing. But I'm not complaining; most girls called me… what was it… foxy, in my last form. Even some boys, but let's not go there. Oh wait, you just did! That makes another boy to find me attractive. Awkward," the Doctor said, furrowing his brow at the last word.

"No, no, no! I like girls, I like gingers!" Rory backpedaled. Amy turned to him and raised her eyebrows, obviously not impressed by his comment.

"Hey! Don't rub it in that I'm still not ginger," the Doctor sulked.

"Um, excuse me, but would you happen to be here to see the Wizard?" a short man with a white mustache asked.

"Are you?" the Doctor asked back quickly. The little man looked uncomfortable.

"Erm, no. I'm a tour guide," he responded.

"No, I think I've seen enough of the Wonderful Wizard of Oz for today," River answered for the group, glaring at the Doctor.

"You ruin all the fairy tales and children's books," River accused. The Doctor held his hands up in defense. "I hate you sometimes."

"No you don't," the Doctor replied. River smirked at him.

"Oh, you're right. I definitely don't hate you," she said back. Amy and Rory started to head out of the palace, obviously feeling a little deflated after finding out that it was a palace basically dedicated to the Doctor. No wonder he had wanted to take them there. River and the Doctor hurried to catch up to the other half of their crew.

"Can we go somewhere that's not a big monument to you?" Rory asked. He liked the Doctor, he really did, but he'd had enough of him staring down at them in all his emerald glory for the time being.

"Fine," the Doctor said, leading them back into the TARDIS. Just before he was about to enter, he heard a shriek coming from near the library they had previously been in. A green woman with a crooked nose dressed in black was exiting a building.

"Hold on guys, I think they're doing a reenactment! I don't want to miss it," the Doctor said. The other three left the TARDIS and followed the Doctor toward the noises he had just heard, seeing a sight that might have been right, but something felt off.

Upon getting closer to the woman with the ugly nose, they saw that it was, or appeared to be, a woman dressed as the Wicked Witch of the West running around the square and attempting to pounce on people.

"Um, Doctor? Is it supposed to look like she'd trying to eat them?" Rory asked. The Doctor was already pulling out his sonic screwdriver and pointing it at the woman.

"She's some sort of shape shifter, but what kind? She's putting out a signal that's messing with the frequency waves the sonic is using to detect her formation," the Doctor said. He squinted at his sonic and hit it against his head, presumably attempting to make it work.

"Come on, either way, it's man-eating, so we need to get rid of it," River pointed out.

"But it might be friendly. It might not be so bad," the Doctor countered. River muttered something about wishing once more she had her gun, but the Doctor paid no attention.

"Alright, here's the plan. Rory, you're going to go up to her and try to get attacked. Amy, while doing so, you're going to try to get all the people out of the area, as many as possible. And River, you're going to help me. Mostly by being dangerous if necessary," the Doctor laid out his plan.

"Why am I bait?" Rory asked.

"Because you don't have any other function in this plan," the Doctor answered. "Now, go!" he commanded. Amy shouted for people to head inside the library while Rory jumped out in front of the witch, gaining her attention and drawing her away, screaming like a little girl. Whether that was to fit the part of bait or out of pure fear, no one knew. River and the Doctor got closer to Rory and the witch.

"I can't make it out! What are you?" The Doctor thought out loud, addressing the shape shifting witch. Chaos reigned the square as people all rushed to get inside the library or other nearby buildings, many following Amy's advice to get indoors.

"Have you tried just a simple DNA scan?" River suggested. The Doctor smacked himself on the forehead.

"Of course!" he exclaimed. He pointed the sonic at the witch, the light flashing.

"Oh," the Doctor said.

"Oh?" River asked back.

"Well, it's a shape shifter," the Doctor responded.

"Yes sweetie, we'd already gotten that much," River replied, trying her best to be patient.

"No, no, no. I mean, that's just it. That's all it is. A shape shifter. There's no fancy name, no species of interest. It's just… well that's boring," the Doctor explained, clearly disappointed. River rolled her eyes. If there wasn't a mystery or a new idea, the Doctor could lose interest sometimes.

"Well you know, it still is trying to eat people. So we should probably stop it," River reminded him.

"Right," the Doctor said. "Okay! I have a plan! See now, the shape shifter likes to feed on human thoughts first, blending in with a common fear in that area, something that would fit in, in a sort of way. So what are people afraid of in the Emerald City? The Wicked Witch of the West. Alright. So, once we get it contained or away from the people, we need to feed it new thoughts, thoughts of something that we're supposedly afraid of that will be easier to manage. But it has to be a genuine fear, otherwise the shape shifter won't transform," the Doctor ranted off his solution.

River ran to Amy to explain this to her while the Doctor got even closer to Rory, who was still running away from the witch.

"Rory! Start thinking of something that frightens you that is much easier to handle than this witch!" the Doctor yelled so that Rory could hear him over his screaming. The witch hissed at the Doctor, licking her lips and switching her interest to him instead.

"Oh good, it's been a while since I've ran from a monster," the Doctor said with a content sort of smile. He took off at a slow enough pace to keep the witch occupied, but fast enough to avoid becoming dinner. Rory was relieved and joined River and Amy, who were escorting the last of the people indoors.

"Begin thinking!" the Doctor yelled, still running. Amy, Rory, and River had agreed on what to think of. The shape shifter phased in and out of its form, becoming a munchkin for a moment, but then slowly, the monster changed shape, becoming something smaller. Much smaller, and with a few extra legs. The shape shifter had become a spider.

Proudly, the Doctor walked up to the spider and squished it.

"Good work, all of you," the Doctor said. "Brilliant job! A spider- what a perfect idea!" the Doctor praised. The Doctor's companions beamed back at him.

"Well, I've had enough green for today," Amy said. People began exiting the buildings they had been hiding in. But if they were looking for the four people who had just saved the day, all they could have caught was a curious blue box, fading from view.


	3. Chapter 3

"Ridiculous! You're joking," the Doctor said in response to Amy's claim. The four had been sitting around on the TARDIS for a few hours, relaxing before their next trip. Amy had just started talking about how, in all her childhood, she had never had an enjoyable trip to the beach.

"Everyone likes the beach," the Doctor said with disbelief. Amy shrugged.

"It's true. I went with her once when we were kids, and it was not fun. She stepped on a rock and sliced her foot open. Then she sat on the beach for all of an hour and got a nasty sunburn. She got really quite cranky after that," Rory added.

"Well, it's not my fault. I didn't know there was going to be a rock there. And I'm ginger! We burn," Amy said.

"Well then, I think we all know what we need to do," River said. The Doctor turned to her and flashed her a smile. The two were thinking the same thing. Even Rory smiled, realizing what they were thinking. A moment later, Amy caught on.

"Oh, no. Come on guys. I don't want to!" Amy complained.

"We're doing it," Rory said almost sternly.

"I hate the beach," Amy muttered. River reached out and grabbed Amy's arm, dragging her off through the TARDIS.

"We've got to get you a swimsuit if we're going to the beach," River said. Amy reluctantly followed the other woman to the TARDIS' huge closet. As the women both tried on swimsuits, the men talked about different beaches they could go to.

"I've heard that Florida has great beaches over in America," Rory suggested.

"But Florida's _boring_," the Doctor declined Rory's suggestion. "There's a beach on a planet in the Andromeda galaxy that has a beach where you can walk upside-down on it, almost like it's in the sky! And there's fantastic hermit crabs; they're as big as taxis," the Doctor enthusiastically explained.

"Uh, no, I'll think we'll pass on that one. Do you have anything a little closer to normal?" Rory asked. The Doctor sighed.

"Fine. There's a beach with purple and blue sand and perfectly clear ocean water without giant crabs in the Emploone galaxy. It's fairly uninhabited, except for a few tourists or people on their honeymoon," the Doctor said. Rory nodded, enthused by the sound of this relaxing yet entertaining beach.

"How come we don't go places like that more often?" Rory asked.

"Because, I'm a Time Lord. People don't usually need saving on a blue beach," the Doctor answered. "Oh! We should make sure the TARDIS still has some sunscreen for Amy. I don't want to see her cranky," the Doctor added, shuddering at the thought of a cranky Amy- she was feisty enough as it was.

The Doctor put in the coordinates for the Emploone galaxy while Rory watched him. As the TARDIS began to land, the boys decided that they should also go get some swimsuits. The Doctor led him to another closet, this one containing men's wear.

"Oh, this'll be perfect for you, I'm sure Amy will love it," the Doctor said, throwing Rory a speedo.

"Uh, no. Definitely not," Rory said, blushing a little. He held the speedo with two fingers and tossed it away from him. He managed to find some simple dark green swim trunks and left the closet to put those on. When he walked back in, the Doctor had already left, and had presumably gone back to the console room. Rory walked into the console room where the girls and the Doctor now stood.

Rory noticed Amy first, of course. She was in a red bikini that showed off her slim figure in a very flattering way. It took Rory a few moments before he even took in the other two's suits. River was wearing a flashy multi-colored swimsuit and the Doctor was wearing… well, Rory didn't really know what he was wearing.

"Hello!" the Doctor greeted Rory, smiling at him with his ridiculously childish grin. He was wearing something similar to a wetsuit or long underwear, as it covered most of his body from neck down. It appeared to be made out of a sort of old-looking fabric.

"What in the name of sanity are you wearing?" River asked, echoing the question Amy and Rory also had in their heads.

"What? It's an 18th century bathing suit," the Doctor answered. He held up pair of dark blue swim trunks that had palm trees on the sides. "I brought these in case it's hot today. You never know with this place," he said.

"Well… if we're going to go, let's just do it," Amy said. Rory had gone back to full-on staring at Amy.

"Come on, stupid," Amy said affectionately as she pulled him out the TARDIS door. River and the Doctor followed, exiting into a beautiful beach, full of blue and purple sand, just as the Doctor had said. There were tall palm trees and low-lying plants before the sand started closer to the water.

"Wow! I've never seen anything to beautiful!" Amy exclaimed.

"You picked a good one, love," River said, smiling at the Doctor.

"Well, I'm glad you two like it," the Doctor said, his ears a little pink. "But it is, sadly, a little too hot for this suit. I'll be changing right here then," he said, standing behind a waist-high plant. He pulled the zipper down on his suit and began taking it off.

"What is it with him and taking his clothes off?" Rory sighed, sounding a little bit disturbed. He was going to ask if they should turn around, but he knew that he probably didn't want to know the girls' answer.

"At least he's behind a bush this time," Amy pointed out.

"But it's only waist-high. We can still see a lot," Rory complained.

"Oh, yes we certainly can," River said, smirking. The Doctor pulled his swim trunks on and rejoined them.

"Come along then," the Doctor said, heading down to the sand and the water. The other three followed him, as usual, but Rory had to hold Amy's hand and encourage her to actually go. When they got to the sand, Amy sat down and took out some sunscreen from the bag she was carrying and put some on. Rory helped put some on her back. The Doctor was looking eagerly out to the waves when he suddenly felt something cold touch his back.

"Ah!" he yelped in surprise. He jumped and turned around to see River standing behind him with the bottle of sunscreen. "No," the Doctor said, looking from the bottle to River.

"Yes," River said firmly. She returned to putting some on the Doctor's back despite his protests that the star resembling a sun in the sky wouldn't dare burn the last of the Time Lords. Though he grumbled, he let her do it.

"Now see, that wasn't so bad, was it?" River asked. The Doctor glared and didn't respond. He couldn't pretend to be mad at her for long however, so he changed his pace and ran for the water, splashing through it like a madman.

"He's mad, but I love him," River said with a sigh before laughing and joining him in the water.

"I don't really want to go in the ocean," Amy said.

"But you didn't get to that day I went with you. Come on, it'll be a blast," Rory said, leading her to the crystal clear waves.

After an hour or two of splashing each other, getting knocked over by waves, and building sand castles like kids, they retired to relaxing in the light of the "sun."

"So Amy, isn't this fun?" the Doctor asked. Amy rolled her eyes, but with a smile.

"Yes. You were right Doctor," she agreed. River whispered something to Amy, who then motioned to Rory.

"What?" the Doctor asked. The three just smiled at him. He didn't like that. It made him feel rather uncomfortable. "What is it?" The other three suddenly pushed the Doctor to the ground, River pinning him down, while Rory and Amy started digging up sand and burying him.

"Get off! What are you doing?" the Doctor yelled. Soon, though the Doctor struggled, he was encased in blue and purple sand with only his head sticking out. He let his head fall, looking resigned.

"Only my head? Really? What can I do with only my head?" the Doctor complained.

"We should have covered that too so he couldn't talk," Amy said. The Doctor looked horrified.

"Well, I can think of a few things I could do with your face," River said with a smirk.

"Such as?" the Doctor made the mistake of asking. River raised her eyebrows but came closer to him, so close that he could feel her breath on his face.

"This," River almost whispered as she kissed him full on the lips. The Doctor couldn't exactly move anywhere, so instead his face turned bright red, starting at his ears. Amy and Rory snickered at the Doctor blushing and River backed up, laughing.

"Are we playing Kiss the Doctor? I've had to do that a few times as a kissogram, but I don't think it's ever been nearly as much fun as-" Amy said, but Rory cut her off, clearing his throat. "Okay, fine," Amy said, defeated. She turned to kiss Rory on the cheek instead, hoping that would make him forgive her. She was right.

"This is extraordinarily unfair! I demand you all let me out now!" the Doctor yelled. His face was still as red as a tomato. It contrasted the blue and purple sand in a comical way.

"Oh, let's just get a picture first," River suggested. Rory grabbed a camera out of the bag Amy had brought and snapped a picture of the Doctor's red face, his body buried in the sand. Then River stooped down and put a kiss on his cheek for another picture. By the time they let him out, he was not in the happiest of moods.

"I'd rather face down Weeping Angels than to have that ever happen again," the Doctor said darkly. The other three decided not to press him anymore, so they all went back into the ocean for a little while longer.

All this time, the TARDIS was left unattended. Little did the foursome know that when they would go back to their time machine, it would not be waiting where they left it.


	4. Chapter 4

"I'm exhausted," Amy groaned, her body splayed across the sand with her head in Rory's lap. Rory made some sort of noise of agreement, but he was mostly enjoying the view he had down the top of her bikini.

"We should probably head back to the TARDIS," River said to the Doctor.

"Right, let's go. Think you can get up, Pond?" the Doctor asked Amy. She sprung up, not at all appearing to be as tired as she had just professed. The Doctor sighed with confusion but decided not to comment. In all of his 907 years of living, he had never truly come to understand women.

The walk back to the TARDIS was fairly uneventful, but the Doctor did overhear some giggling over the pictures they had taken while the Doctor was buried in the sand. He had a feeling he would never be able to forget that unfortunate incident. Not that all of it had been bad. He smiled slightly to himself, remembering River's kiss. _Not bad at all._

"Hey Doctor, wasn't this where we parked the TARDIS?" River questioned. The Doctor looked around the area.

"No, no, it must have been a little further," the Doctor replied, shaking his head. He had to stop getting distracted- now he'd forgotten where he'd parked.

"You know, I'd rather like one of those buttons humans have for their cars. The silly little one called the panic button? That way I could always find my TARDIS. You see, it's not as simple as it is for a normal human car. I have to put up with my vehicle turning invisible, being stolen, dying, transporting without my permission, and simply leaving," the Doctor said. He mimed pressing a button in midair as if he had a panic button.

"Shame, I was hoping that'd work," he said with a sigh. He then hit his head against a nearby tree. "The TARDIS has ran off on me again. She's probably upset I didn't invite her to the beach with us. It's not my fault there's no swim suit in her size!" The others gave him strange looks, not knowing what exactly he was saying.

"You lost the TARDIS?" Rory asked, hoping he'd say no.

"No," the Doctor said.

"Phew, good," Rory said with relief.

"No, haven't you been listening to me? I didn't _lose_ the TARDIS, she _left _us. I just went over all this when talking about the panic button. You really need to pay better attention," the Doctor scolded Rory. Rory looked as though his brain must have exploded from the Doctor's idea of logic.

"So how do we get it…" with a glare from the Doctor, Amy amended her statement, "her… to come back?" Amy asked.

"I don't know. She's such a woman! What do women like from men who've upset them?" the Doctor asked.

"Chocolate. But I doubt the TARDIS would want chocolate. Why don't you just contact her and tell her to come back?" River suggested.

"That would be great if I had a way of contacting my TARDIS remotely. _This_ is why I want a panic button! So I don't have to panic!" the Doctor said with some stress.

"You do so have a way of contacting her from here," River corrected him.

"Do not," the Doctor argued.

"Yes, you do," River shot back.

"Fine, how?" the Doctor gave in.

"Your sonic. The TARDIS produces them for you, yes? Just set it to call mode," River instructed. The Doctor looked at her as if she had just told him he was actually a Dalek.

"The sonic doesn't have a call mode," the Doctor said. River rolled her eyes and took the sonic from where the Doctor had been keeping it- in the side pocket of his swim trunks. She pressed a button on the side of it a few times, and it began making a ringing noise much like a phone. She handed it back to the Doctor who held it up to his ear as if still not believing River.

"Oh, hello… Sexy… please come back? I-" the Doctor began awkwardly speaking to his TARDIS. Thankfully he was cut off by the blue box fading into view directly in front of them. They got inside quickly as if fearing the box would take off again without them in it.

"Wow, River, you know a lot," Amy complimented. River threw her a smile.

"Thanks! Some people never find the time to thank me though," River sighed, glancing at the Doctor, who had now resumed fiddling at the console.

"We should probably get our clothes on now," Rory pointed out. They all left to go get changed except for the Doctor, who was preoccupied with his time machine. When they all came back in their normal clothes, they saw that the Doctor was still in only his swim trunks.

"I don't mind the new look," Amy said quietly to River. River chuckled.

"Oh, I don't know, I kind of miss the bow tie," River said. Both girls looked at each other and then burst into laughter. "No, I could definitely get used to this instead."

"I think I've developed an alarm-producing device that can travel across the space-time continuum to correctly adjust and magnify the proper location of the TARDIS," the Doctor announced.

"What does that mean?" Rory asked. The Doctor whirled around and held up a bright red button.

"I've made a panic button!" he said, grinning like the child he was on the inside. He pressed it, and the TARDIS began making an odd and obnoxiously loud noise.

"That sounds like someone going into labor!" Amy yelled. River snickered.

"Don't worry sweetie, you'll know what that sounds _and_ feels like soon enough," River muttered under her breath. The Doctor managed to turn off the noise after his companions' ears were surely damaged to some extent. He gingerly placed the panic button down on the console and backed up.

"See what you've done?" Rory said with a sigh.

"Outsmarted myself again?" the Doctor replied with a pompous grin. Rory looked confused with this answer, but he often was. He learned to just go along with what the Doctor said and hope that he could follow mostly what Amy and River were doing.

"Well now! The TARDIS must have had a reason for running off on me besides the fact that she may or may not have been mad at me. Now it's our job to figure out what that reason was," the Doctor said. He began pulling levers and pushing buttons on the console. "She's only done that once before, and that had something to do with the cat, but hey, that cat peed on my head!" the Doctor added under his breath.

"How are we going to find out why your time machine ran away from you?" Amy asked with some curiosity.

"We're going to use the sort of 'last dialed' setting and return to where the TARDIS last transported to so we can find out where she went and why," the Doctor answered. He pulled one more lever and the TARDIS shook, more than usual, as it flew through space and time to where it had last been. Upon landing, the four regained their footing and opened the door to the TARDIS.

"Oh. Oh no."

**A/N : So, I'm going to include a little fluff chapter describing what exactly did happen with that cat that the Doctor mentioned had peed on his head before the continuation of what's going on with the TARDIS and what exactly has the Doctor so worried.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N : This is a flashback to what happened with the cat mentioned in the previous chapter. It is set before Amy and Rory's wedding.**

"Alright, since we've all become something of a… distorted family," Rory started, catching Amy, the Doctor, and River's attention. "I've decided that we have to get a pet," he finished confidently. Amy smiled, River laughed, and the Doctor choked on the fish finger he'd been eating.

With his mouth still full of fish and custard, the Doctor replied intelligently, "Uhm, wha?"

"A pet. We need one," Rory reiterated. This time it was River's turn to balk.

"Look, just because we all live together doesn't make us family…" River began to say, but she shook her head halfway through. "Okay, so we _are_ a family. But that doesn't mean we need a pet."

"Oh, if we're a family, we need to decide who are the dad and mom!" Amy said with a giggle. The Doctor turned to her, swallowing the last of his fish fingers and giving her a look that said many things, not the least of which being "_What_?"

"That could get awkward," Rory said. Indeed, he was right.

"Well, obviously the Doctor's the dad in this household," Amy pointed out. No one could disagree with that. Without him, the other three would not be there and the family would not exist. Plus he'd saved each of their lives countless times.

"And I want to be Daddy's fiancée," Amy added with a devilish smile. At this point, River put her hands on her hips.

"No way, sweetie. He's in _my_ future," River argued.

"Hey, Amy, you're my fiancée anyway!" Rory said.

"Hold up, all of can be my fiancées," the Doctor said, attempting to put a stop to this crazy discussion of familial roles.

"What? I do not want to be your fiancée!" Rory yelled. The Doctor shrugged. His solution to the conversation was apparently not going as well as he'd planned.

"Alright everyone, shut up!" the Doctor yelled. He didn't want to be having this discussion, as it was leading to too many arguments.

"How about this, River? You can be the mom, and I'll be his fiancée and Rory can be your son?" Amy suggested. Rory banged his head into the wall. Amy didn't seem to get his point that she was his fiancée, not the Doctor's, and so this make-believe family could never work out. But then again, he always knew Amy loved fairy tales and make-believe.

"That's disturbing," River said, accurately summing up the entire situation.

"Anyway, now that that's settled, we need to get back to having a pet," Rory said.

"No," the Doctor said at the same time River and Amy said, "Okay."

"What should we get?" River mused. "I would say a dog, but where would we take it for walks and going to the bathroom?"

"How about a cow? We could get fresh milk!" Rory offered, clearly excited.

"A _cow_?" Amy asked rhetorically, not giving Rory enough time to defend himself before saying, "No."

"I don't want any more animals on my TARDIS! I already brought on 3 humans, and look at how great that's turning out," the Doctor said.

"Have you ever had any pets before, Doctor?" Amy asked, suddenly curious.

"I had a cross between and alpaca and a llatsu before," the Doctor answered.

"What is a llatsu?" Amy asked.

"It's from Planet A59-7 in the S8U-003 galaxy and it looks sort of like a llama but with scales and it breathes fire and has a habit of eating shoes…" the Doctor trailed off, looking for a picture of his cross-breed pet on the TARDIS's visual records.

"What happened to it?" River asked. She had never heard of the Doctor's strange pet before.

"I don't know. Something involving his eating a woman's bra," the Doctor replied with a tinge of sadness in his voice.

"Um, okay, I think we should stick to more normal pets. How about a cat?" Amy suggested.

A half an hour and one trip to a pet store on Earth later, and a gray striped kitten was sitting on the Doctor's head.

"Aww, adorable," Amy cooed. The Doctor looked slightly annoyed and tried to brush the kitten's tail out of his eyes.

"What should we name him?" Rory asked, quite happy that his idea seemed to be working out. They all thought for a moment before someone thought of an idea for the little kitten's name.

"_," River said with a tone of finality. "It means 'Little Annoying One' in the language of the llatsu's home planet." For once, the Doctor seemed to appreciate River's contribution to this scenario.

"He really is annoying. How am I supposed to fly the TARDIS with him on my head?" the Doctor asked. Not that he was flying at that moment. In fact, they had just landed on a planet filled with rather touchy-feely creatures that had multiple arms.

"I'm sure he'll get down eventually. Like when he had to eat or drink or-" Rory reassured the Doctor, but the latter cut Rory off part way through.

"He's peeing on my head!" the Doctor whined. It was true, Lydion was choosing that moment on the Doctor's head to relieve himself. Amy, River, and Rory decided that they should pick that time to get off the TARDIS.

"Oh, sure, just leave me here with a cat that I don't want that just peed on my head!" the Doctor yelled. They didn't turn around. He saw them being approached by several of the multi-limbed natives of the planet.

"Have fun getting molested, then!" the Doctor yelled after them. He removed Lydion from his head and put him on the TARDIS console.

"What am I going to do with you?" he muttered to the small feline. Lydion purred and rubbed against the Doctor's hand. "Oh yeah, don't think that acting cute excuses you for what you've done!" he scolded the cat.

"Speaking of which…" the Doctor stopped and sniffed his hair that hung in front of his face, withdrawing backward in disgust. "I should really bathe."

**Next chapter should get back to the actual storyline, I promise.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sooo sorry that I haven't updated this in like… forever. I got so caught up in writing **_**The Truth About Waiting**_**. But, I'm now resuming this, turning it into a much more crackish and fluffy sort of collection of adventures. Enjoy!**

When the door was opened, it revealed Earth during the 1950's.

"What's so bad about this?" Rory asked. Around them was a fairly busy street. It had to have been America because the cars were driving on the other side of the road and they heard American accents from the people milling all around them.

"Ha! So this is where the TARDIS took off to?" River laughed. Amy and Rory looked at River inquisitively, but the Doctor still looked as thought he was almost frightened of something.

"What's so special about this time in America?" Amy inquired. River smirked, so it must have been something good.

"Oh, don't," the Doctor snapped at River.

"Come on now, sweetie. It might even be the reason we're here," River shot back. The married couple looked at the other two, noticing how much they themselves were like a married couple with the way they fought.

"You see, a few years ago the Doctor had… a little too much to drink approximately," River stopped to check the time on a watch of a man passing by, "an hour ago. And a certain guest at the party, who was also a little tipsy, took a liking to our Doctor, and the two got married. That guest was Marylin Monroe." Amy wiggled her eyebrows at the Doctor.

"Oh, so you got married to a human, and Marylin Monroe no less!" she teased him. The Doctor looked a little agitated.

"That chapel was not legitimate," he said. He was glancing around nervously as if expecting someone.

"So what's the problem now?" Rory asked.

"Oh Rory, the Doctor's afraid she's going to make another move on him," Amy said with a laugh. River smiled too, though she restrained from making her laugh audible. The Doctor was a very intelligent and very wise man, but he had no idea what to do with a woman. He got extremely flustered; he would blush and flail his hands around when confronted with a woman who made advances.

"Maybe your TARDIS is jealous?" River suggested. It would give an explanation as to why the time machine had decided to visit this place at this time, which was why they were there at all.

"No, no, no, not jealous. Curious, probably. In all of our time together, she's only ever seen me married twice, and the first time she wasn't at the wedding since it was on Gallifrey, before I stole- er, borrowed- her. She probably wanted to know what happened since I left her quite a bit away from the chapel…" the Doctor said in a bit of a jumbled way.

"Alright, so what are we supposed to do?" Rory asked. It was always up to the Doctor to fix whatever problem they faced. And this time Rory didn't even quite understand the problem. "Actually, what are we even doing here?" he amended his question.

"We're… leaving," the Doctor answered. He started hurrying back toward the TARDIS as a pretty drunk woman started stumbling his way.

"Doctor, is that… Marilyn Monroe?" Amy asked. The Doctor glared at her. He thought they'd already been over this, but sometimes humans could take a while to process things.

"Yes, of course it is. Now, if we don't get out of here soon, I'll probably be flat-out drunk and married… again," the Doctor snapped.

"Oh, Doctorrrr!" came Marilyn's shrill voice. The Doctor ran, not caring if he stranded his two companions with his crazed, stalkerish, half-wife. Actually, on second thought, he realized that leaving the four of them together (Amy, Rory, River, and Marylin) would not be the best of ideas.

"Come on, you lot!" the Doctor yelled. Reluctantly, Amy, Rory, and River followed the Doctor back into the blue plice box.

"So… did you find out your box went to that time?" Rory asked.

"Yeah. My TARDIS has a cruel sense of humor," the Doctor said darkly.

***DW*DW*DW***

The next day, Amy had suggested jokingly that they go to a Justin Beiber concert. The Doctor had been about to say no firmly when River did it for him.

"Not unless you want other tragic teenage death on Earth," River threatened. Amy believed her. And, no matter how fun the thought of a River versus Beiber showdown was to entertain, she agreed that it wouldn't be the best of all ideas.

"Okay, my turn to pick," Rory said. He never got to pick. It was always River or Amy, and it wasn't very fair since they had weapons at their disposal to make the Doctor listen. Like skirts and flirting. Neither option would be nearly as effective for Rory.

"We should go to… visit the dinosaurs!" Rory exclaimed with the sudden idea. Amy groaned, obviously not thrilled with the suggestion.

"Okay, fine, dinosaurs it is," the Doctor agreed. So the Doctor began pushing his usual assortment of buttons and levers and unidentified objects until the TARDIS lurched and landed on prehistoric Earth.

The four time travelers exited the blue box to a wonderfully olden world of large reptiles. Rory gasped in amazement while River just scoffed.

"Oh, come on. They're not really that great. Now, if we'd brought the little blonde idjit Amy had suggested earlier and fed him to the dinosaurs…" River trailed off, lost in a beautiful daydream of killing Justin Beiber.

"Come off it, River. You know I was joking about going to see him," Amy said in defense of her character. The Doctor began happily skipping throughout the land, searching for dinosaurs. He looked rather like a kid in a candy shop… a very dangerous candy shop where the candy may decide to eat _you_ instead of the other way around.

"Look! It's a Huayangosaurus!" the Doctor exclaimed, pointing to a green dinosaur with large spikes running down its back and tail. The Huayangosaurus sniffed the air. "Oooh, he smells Time Lord!" the Doctor added excitedly.

"What's a Hydro-mango-saurus or whatever you said?" Amy asked.

"Huayangosaurus. As for Hydro-mango-saurus… well… that's a whole different vacation…" River corrected Amy. The Huayangosaurus **(let's just call him Huey from now on) **seemed to enjoy the scent of Time Lord, because he started getting closer to the four of them. Huey gave a roar that sounded suspiciously similar to the sound of a rumbling stomach.

"Uh, Doctor? I think he likes Time Lords," Rory warned. But the Doctor grinned stupidly back at them, beckoning them to come closer.

"Well of course he does. I'm quite friendly, really. And rather irresistible," the Doctor clearly didn't understand Rory's idea of a warning. River rolled her eyes.

"Of course, he _is_ irresistible," River muttered. Amy nodded in agreement, causing Rory to mime banging his head against a wall.

"Rory, are you attempting to head bang?" the Doctor asked in curiosity. "I've seen that some people from your era and location do that as some sort of a mating ritual," the Doctor added sagely.

"Wow, who are you trying to mate with? The dinosaur?" River asked semi-sarcastically. Said dinosaur began advancing again. Huey had an intent look on his face as he got close enough to put his nose to the Doctor and begin examining this strange and puny animal he had just discovered. And there were three more similar beings with the first, all just waiting around.

"I wasn't trying to-" Rory got cut off as the dinosaur roared again. Huey opened his large jaws and lowered them to the Doctor as if saying: _Come on in so I can eat you! _The Doctor only just then realized that he should be running, and the other three followed closely behind him. Four sets of feet made tiny little crunching noises as they ran through the leaves, followed by four bone-crushing footfalls of the enormous dinosaur Huey.

In short, it was another normal day.


End file.
